Or Not!

charged up with so much but can't think of anything to write... It's gonna be another one of those nights I guess ... when the occasional spark of pent up creativity is gonna die out its unnatural death .. when I will not express .. and just keep on doing my same old dreary work thing .. am just gonna sit and stare at my screen .. actually three of them .. and sit the entire night out ..

Coz sleep is far away .. and I'm wandering into the dark shadowy lanes of the past .. not past enough to be filled with bright yellow sunshine .. but the never ending labyrinth of crimson .. Have I really found a way out? Or have I left something behind .. and I keep revisiting it ... to find that thing .. I have no idea .. what it is .. but it must be something important .. coz I'm desperate to get it back .. desperate to restore it ... and sometimes more than me .. I feel its the people around me who need it .. but why? what is it anyway?

Is it hope .. that lie we tell ourselves in our deepest of despair to let it pass ... to go on .. to survive

or belief ... in something bigger than us .. that keeps us strong in the most challenging of times ..

or is it love .. the perfect impossibility .. which is misunderstood and abused by more people than got killed in religious wars of all time .. the highest state of a human being .. of all human beings .. as they are meant to be .. strong, elegant, proud, capable, beautiful, impossibly innocent, pure & perfect... Just perfect

Paths ... and more paths ... and choices .. Choices I can't make .. Choices that scare me and attract me at the same time .. choices that will eventually kill me ... or will make me immortal .. choices that will destroy me .. or will give me salvation ... choices .. choices and more choices .. some leading to perdition .. and some to my destiny ... Destiny.. what is Destiny? Funny word .. aint it ? Abstract .. just like God .. and ghosts .. mysterious beyond measure .. and powerful beyond imagination .. and yet so fickle .. can take any shape you want to give it .. can take any form .. can be explained in your choice of words .. or not .. feeding on our weakness .. on our fears .. and on us eventually ..

Ok ... I think I'm tired now .. and absolutely not in a mood to write .. so!